The History of Rock: Part 1.
by Alan Smithee
Summary: A revamped version of some older Legion stuff, rechanneled to account for the decided lack of most Legion stuff(and the higher traffic level.)
1. Default Chapter Title

Legion of Super-Heroes Fanscript: "The Inevitable Return of the Legion of Substitute Heroes."  
  
Time Taking Place: First issue of LSH or L* run, but would be preceded by some issues of a seperate comic book.  
  
The vast majority of these characters are the copyright of DC Comics. This isn't as needed as a warning, but the writer doesn't want to get sued by The Man.   
If you have any criticism on this work, send it to ReLect0@aol.com. If you feel the need to flame this work, I got two words for you, SUCK IT!   
Anything else? Oh, yeah. Don't do drugs. Unless it is for good reasons.Ah, screw that, Smoke crack and worship Satan.   
  
Chapter One: "The Return of Rock."  
  
The Legion of Super-Heroes was crumbling. In their last couple of battles, they had been beaten brutally. Cosmic Boy went down with a pulled ACL. Luckily, their "go-fer" Magz had gotten his powers back and could step in for a bit. Star Boy broke his leg and the Xanthu government thought that it was such a step back that they forced him to quit the Legion and go back home to protect them exclusively. Clearly, the Legionnaires needed more help. But where would they find it, and how do they get it?  
  
"We need to get some new members," Saturn Girl exclaimed.   
"We'll get a membership drive up immediately," R.J. Brande replied.  
"But what if no one's good enough?"   
"Well, I've got a little idea that's been kicking around my head for a bit, I might try that..." Saturn Girl was quite intrigued. She tried to read his mind, but he had closed it immediately after saying it.  
  
John Ryder was just a typical young guy. Oh, sure he had been granted with the power to create heat and cold at will, but that was just an bonus to him, sort of hitting the "Pick 6" in the genetic lottery. He and his younger brother Shane had decided to use their powers to fight crime at their home structure the Mall of Rhode Island, hoping the Legionnaires would notice and allow them in. Their powers had worked for a good couple of months, but eventually neither John's power nor Shane's ability to create green flames could stop the fact that they had once bitten off more than they could chew. Shane's arm was ripped off, and they both stopped. John got a job installing pools, and Shane took work as his helper. One day, they dug too deep and fell into a strange energy duct. Apparently, John had gained a cool healing factor. He didn't know what his brother had came away with, if anything.  
  
Mikael Friedman was just your typical slacker. Every day was a mixture of sports, rock, and other typical Mullethead-type activities. He didn't want to grow up at all, to the point where he took a job with the high school he went to as janitor just so he could continue to be "cool." One day, he lost that when the chemistry class had him be guinea pig to an experiment. He survived, luckily. However, his trademark mullet was permanently curled, which was horrible to him. It got easier when he found that he was able to cause storms whenever he wanted. He was given a huge amount of esteem in super-hero circuits by stopping various droughts in his home of the Island of California. He finally got up the nerve and decided to go out to join the Legion of Super-Heroes.  
  
Stefan James was just your typical poor little rich boy. His father just happened to create the Portable Time Machine, so he always had money. However, he was also able to go through time for some reason. Psychiatrists tried to check out his repressed memories, showing him that he got them through eating a prototype of the Time Machine. His father naturally got angry and spanked him a few times. The psychiatrists all concluded that it was "from abuse" and got his father to cough up a sweet-ass trust fund for him. He quickly invested it, got even more money from those, and set himself up. He eventually tried to enter the Legion through buying his way in, even offering up a rare "Dazzle Gem", but it wasn't able to happen. At least now he'd get a chance with some powers.  
  
Boombastic literally just appeared. People have claimed he came from an oil slick that had occurred in a really big puddle and appeared completely nude and conspicuously anatomically correct on the doorstep, that he's a criminal infiltrating the Secret World Operations forces, or that he's just some misfit who had nothing left outside with the people. Either way, the power he brought to the party of duplication, amplification, and complete invulnerability soon got him top ranking status with the SWO. When they heard of the Legion opening, they sent him and a guy known to the higher-ups as "Psycho" to get in for them. Boombastic went in confident that he'd get the spot, handed his ID card to some girl who was there to apply for a spot on the team, and just left.  
  
Cosmic Boy took his modified flight chair to the door. "We're ready for the first applicant." "Psycho" entered the building.   
"What's your power?" Cosmic Boy asked.  
"Common Telekinesis. Here, watch." Kid Psycho got his arm into a praying position. He yelled out a cry that the SWO knew was the last thing he hoped to say when he died. "PUNK ROCK!" He took a hat rack and tried to tie Cosmic Boy up with it. Unfortunately, his impulsive nature caused him to pick the only substance of iron in the room. He woke up at SWO HQ tied up in metal.   
  
"Who's the Second Applicant?" Cosmic Boy asked. Brisk entered the room.   
"What's your 411?" Cosmic Boy asked. Brisk went on his tangent about how he was once one of the greatest heroes of the Mall of Rhode Island.   
"So, you're saying that you're one of the world's best rent-a-cops?"  
"Well, it's much more complicated than that." Brisk replied.  
"Show your power." Brisk went through with his cold, than revived him with his heat.  
"I don't think that would work. You could flash-freeze us if it went badly." R.J. Brande then went to talk to Brisk outside the hall. "I have a proposition for you..."  
  
Deluge walked in next. Cosmic Boy checked on his powers. Deluge talked about his exploits on the Island, his power, and all of that stuff.   
"I'm actually impressed. Let's see your power," Cosmic Boy said. Deluge responded by forming a huge thunderstorm in the building.   
"I'm sorry. I like your skill, but we run the risk of losing you to the 'No copied power' clause. We only could take both Garth and Ayla due to Winath having twins be the norm, thus allowing it to count by UP standards as one. I'm terribly sorry." Deluge left only to be confronted by R.J. Brande.  
  
Time Warp went in next. Cosmic Boy checked on his powers. Time Warp told of how he got his power and how it worked. He then took Cosmic Boy back in time, where they found the second gunman on the grassy knoll because all Legion books have details like that.   
"Well, I don't see any reason to go against your skill. You're in." Cosmic Boy said.  
"Great. Say, you wanna..."  
"WHAT? Are you hitting on me?"  
"Well, you're the one wearing pink, what do you think my gaydar was going to do?"  
"I'm terribly sorry, but we take orders under the U.P. government. They have that stupid 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy..."  
"DAMMIT!" Time Warp left to be confronted by Brande.  
  
Boombastic went in last. He didn't reveal too much about him. Instead, he grabbed Cosmic Boy's arm and let him watch as a nearby steel girder was pulled out and beat him about the head and body.  
"ARE YOU CRAZY? THAT COULD KILL US ALL!"   
"Relax. It's held up by the magnetic field around the Earth until I do this..." Boombastic put it back in its place.  
"Where did you come from?"  
"I was thug life born, I'm thug life bred, and when I die I'll be thug life dead."   
"You are too much of a psycho to get in here. I'm calling security." As he tried to call them, R.J. Brande pulled the plug.  
  
"What did you do that for?" Cosmic Boy asked.  
"You've done your job for now. Rest up, Rokk." R.J. replied.  
"What was I supposed to do?"  
"You did find four guys here who weren't good enough for the big team but were capable enough. I've booked them as a new form of 'Substitute Legion.' They'll serve as a minor league for you guys. We'll handle this." Brisk, Time Warp, and Deluge walked back into the room.  
"So, Boombastic is it? You're our new member?" Brisk replied.  
"Um, yeah. I need to report back to SWO." Boombastic replied.  
"Come on. Chill." Boombastic tried to leave. "Come on, at the very least, take off your helmet." Boombastic did. Brisk was stunned.  
"SHANE?" he asked.  
"What's this about? Boombastic is just some dude. His stats said he comes from the SWO, based here in Metropolis. It all checks out," Cosmic Boy said.  
"Wrong. He did some time as Spitfire, a hero in the Mall of Rhode Island. He's also my younger brother. By the way, why are you fighting crime still? I mean, your hand..."Brisk replied.  
"I got the same stuff you did. I figured I could do it."  
"Well, it's too late to bellyache. He's Sub material..." R.J. replied.  
"Does it look like I'm bellyaching? I'm looking forward to this. Welcome aboard, bro."   
  
Part two of Chapter One to follow. 


	2. Default Chapter Title

PPart two: "The History of Rock."  
  
"Don't go too far. We need you all to check on our Headquarters," Cosmic Boy said.  
"But we need to go out and get funky with our new title!" Brisk whined.  
"Sorry. We heard about these robot ships coming toward Earth. We need to do some things real superheroes do. Just sit here and try to look pretty for cameras."  
The team sat in the Green Room and played some video games. Time Warp attempted to put some makeup on, but was slapped by Brisk.  
"Easy on that stuff. We all need to look as pretty. Now just do a good job of sitting here and we might actually get a mission."  
The team waited. Eventually, Boombastic and Brisk started talking.  
"Dude, are those...?" Boombastic asked.  
"I think they're seeds of some sort." Brisk replied.  
"Ten points if you two can burn the whole lot of them..." Deluge replied.   
"I like those odds..." Brisk replied. He and Boombastic headed outside, where they burnt the lot of the seeds.  
"HA! You dipshits, you missed this seed! No points! I'll just let it grow with a little water, we'll see what it is."  
The four heroes crowded around the seed as it quickly grew. It took the form of a human, unsprouted, and stomped around like it thought it was Godzilla.  
"This is bad. I can't give it enough heat, and cold doesn't slow it down enough!" Brisk said.  
"Um, dude, you didn't answer the question. Can you smoke it?" Deluge asked.  
"This is not the time to think about that stuff! First kill it, then smoke it!" Time Warp replied. He quickly grabbed Boombastic.  
"What the hell are you doing?" Boombastic asked.  
"Close your eyes, think of Christmas, and it'll be over in a second." The two traveled back in time and burnt the seed before they knew about its existence. When they traveled back, they were puzzled.  
"What were those seeds?" Deluge asked.  
"Probably a plant person invasion from the place those robot ships came from. It seems like something out of a comic book." Brisk replied.   
"But how do we go through with stopping the invasion?"  
"I'll handle that. I'll just pull a Weisinger. Basically, I'll take the us-es from a couple nanoseconds before this and keep them here until we beat them, then we all go to beat them." Time Warp went out of sight and came back with four replicas of them.  
"Damn, that's cool. I mean, we are just FOUR SEXY BITCHES!" Boombastic yelled. The four went over to a Legion ship.  
"How do we do this? We're too new for them to give us our own," Brisk replied.  
"Quiet. Now to show what I learned in S.W.O." Boombastic quickly hotwired the cruiser as the team went in.  
"Damn. How'd you learn that from them?"Brisk asked.  
"Simple. I couldn't go into their offices with my own piece of shit speeder, I needed to "borrow" Mom and Dad's. Besides the point, I think it's time to enact rule number one for our motley crew of the damned." Boombastic replied.  
"And what rule would that be?" Time Warp asked.  
"Quite simply," Boombastic replied, "DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT!"The team quickly blasted at top speeds out of the gate. Within a matter of hours, the team was at the planet where the robot ships originated from.   
"Now, where would those seeds be?" Brisk wondered aloud.  
"Um, bro, you might want to check that big building that says 'EVIL PLANT-MEN SEEDS.'" Boombastic replied.  
"Great idea, Shane!" Brisk went over to the building. "Yep, it's full of seeds."  
"TORCH THEM!" Deluge asked. Brisk and Boombastic proceeded to burn the lot of them. Suddenly, a plant creature came up to them.   
"DAMN YOU! That was our holding silo for seeds of our best marijuana crop in years! Now we'll have to kill you!" The plant creatures took out laser weapons on the four. Brisk and Boombastic managed to hold their own against them, but were soon overcome. Finally, Deluge tried to work his magic.  
"Okay, everyone! WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" Deluge caused a huge storm on them.  
"Um, dude. They're plants. Plants like water," Time Warp replied.  
"Don't worry, they'll die about...now," Deluge said as a sea of lightning struck one of the middle ones, starting a bonfire. As they burnt, they said "DAMN YOU ENVIRONMENTAL LACKEYS FOR MAKING US LET LIGHTNING FIRES BURN!" The heroes quickly sped off in their stolen cruiser as they let the plant people violently burn to death en masse. When they got back, the Legionnaires were waiting for them.  
"So, where did you guys go?" Cosmic Boy asked.  
"Nowhere in particular. You know, stop plant creatures from taking over the world... " Brisk replied.  
"So you took the bait?"   
"What bait?" Deluge asked.  
"We took a weak robot ship mission that one of us could do blindfolded and just let you work your magic on the plant creatures. Good show."  
The four heroes had only one thought on their minds as the news raced. "What do we get for this?"  
"You know. We've found you a good Sub HQ and are issuing you that cruiser you hotwired. Good job, Substitutes. Continue on this path." Cosmic Boy shook the team members' hands as they went over to join the Legionnaires.  
  
End Chapter One. 


End file.
